To be a student studying abroad is not quite as exciting as all your friends might think it to be. It is very much filled with.. Boredom. I've been here for a year but your life (which you've built for 17 years) is still there. So it although I'm much more comfortable at being here now (To be truthful, I have it quite good, with a few friends, a boyfriend and the uni course of my choice), it still sucks sometimes, on the days where you have neither of the three to occupy your time. Here is a picture of JolynInPerth.

My friends imagine my Perth life to be constant partying, which doesn't make any sense whatsoever because I'm not exactly fond of alcohol and have long been vowed against sex and smoking(Both tabacco and marijuana), so what reason would I have to change my perspective in Perth. My extended family mostly see me as lazy, frivolous or more recently, "Girl Who Has *Gasp* an Ang Mo Boyfriend" because I didn't go to a prestigious JC or get into a local university. Blowing my trumpet a little bit here, but nevermind the 6 'O's distinctions, the 3.5GPA and getting into Vet Science. It's just quite annoying I suppose, it makes me not want to go for family dinners and stuff because you feel so constantly judged and misunderstood. And nevermind that we've been in a fairly strong, healthy relationship for almost a year. Here is a picture of us, as you can see, we both look like very strong, healthy individuals

Whilst Bob was in Singapore the 2 weeks, tension was very high with my parents for awhile because it really was quite a huge (unthoughtful) intrusion of my own perspectives into a traditional, conservative asian culture. And I've been thinking a lot about our conservativeness. Truth be told, most of the cousins around my age have boyfriends or girlfriends. No one dares to tell. Neither mother nor siblings. I'd sooner have told my maid than my family to be honest. I think it is extremely stupid, I understand that the older generation were brought up with the values of filial piety and being proper, but although I respect it enough to adhere to some of the practises, I think it a shame that the newer generation who think otherwise will then be forced to hide rather than to openly discuss issues. I don't mean like they should consult their parents on matters such as sex and partying, but it'd be nice, to be able to introduce your boyfriend to your parents. My mother has long been a fan of me only getting into a relationship only when I became 21 (But she was excessively understanding and nice about Bob living with us) and In reference to the friends I keep and the cousins I have,it seems parents who think this way are the ones who have kids who excel in school. But maybe it's only because if they were so strict on such personal matters, how much more would they have been strict about education. And I put forward to my mom that most of us "Kids who do well in school" are actually in relationships. There really isn't anything that set us apart from the other "flunkouts" or what not. We just choose to keep everything in the dark because we have to. We still prioritize. It really is a shame because this trend is unlikely to end unless children speak up. But why would us teenagers upset the balance and approach an awkward, possibly fatal, topic.

I'd just like to clarify here that whilst I spend a lot of time at his place, we don't necessarily actually Sleep together. He doesn't think sex is sacred but I do so he never pushes me, not even a nudge in any direction I don't want to go. We talk very comfortably about sex like it is something we might eventually do if we get married. I think sex is a much looser topic for most caucasions, but to say that only a chinese boyfriend would treat me with respect is pushing it too much.

But that aside, I mostly spend my time here studying. A lot. It's the reason why I came a year ago, and now that I'm in university, it should only intensify. On the days where assignments aren't as immediate, I'm either climbing, camping, at the beach or just hanging out with Bob or one of my (maybe 10 or so only) friends. I'm an awkward person. At parties, at events and even when we bump into people I kinda know but don't really know on the streets. So mostly, I think the people here see me as a little bit anti-social (You may laugh now, fellow Singaporean friends), because I usually have nothing to say and so, am very quiet. My university fees average to about Aus$300,000 so I'm constantly trying to scringe on food. It's not very logical, but I feel so guilty about spending my parent's money that I try to skip meals to save the few dollars or so which probably don't make much of a difference.

But usually, I'm trolling on the internet or sleeping. Because what else is there to do.

`jol

Hope everyone has had an awesome valentines day and all you girlies have received your roses and all you guys have received your hugs and kisses.

I think, I don't like valentines day the way I don't like my birthday. Not birthdays in general, just the approach of my birth date fills me with dread. Like no matter how you try to convince yourself it's just a day like every other, you still wish it were special, or for nothing to go wrong. Even the slightest of things will tip you. It fills me with dread because it's like you have to be extra careful about everything so you don't cry because who cries on their birthday?

Well anyway, I'm back in Perth and my uni units look extremely boring. I miss living with Jason, it makes me feel alone, it makes living here even worse. I miss Singapore already, and all my friends. Orientation was very uneventful. It wasn't a get-to-meet-your-peers kinda thing, we just sat in a lecture hall and learnt about what we musn't do in order to pass. My units sound very very dry and boring. And I'll probably start school at 8.30am everyday. So really, I'm not all that excited about university. I can't even believe I'm now a uni student actually. I'm afraid I won't do well enough. We learnt that of 300 applicants, they took in 30 for vet science. Both Gail and I got into Vet entry. So I'm extremely thankful to God for that, the competitions so high, like 40% of the animal and biomedical science students want to get into vet next year. I'm just really relieved I don't have to compete. But I am worried I'll fail. I've been feeling quite negative about many things. This isn't home and I don't like feeling so alone in such a beautiful country.

Anyhow, goodnight.

'jol

He looked at his daughter's attentive face and jumped to his feet, upsetting the chair.
"Do you hear? I had it all there; so; within reach of my hand."

What a brilliant use of semicolons. Admire the construction: five words fore and aft balanced upon a fulcrum of a single word that carries all the weight and tension of the sentence. An ordinary writer would have used commas to surround the fulcrum. Dashes would have done the job. But semi colons, by isolating the "so" without making it parenthetical, give the word a real impact. The bottom halves curl like the fingers of two hands raised in frustration, their periods glare like two desperate eyes, and the word held between them shouts with wretched hopelessness.. The punctuation of the sentence is deliberate, forceful and dynamic. It is the pure punctuation of a true master.


Yann Martel's The Time I Heard... On Conrad's Almayer's Folly.

Yann Martel is the author of the brilliant brilliant book, Life of Pi. I have yet to hear a single person complain they found the book less than satisfactory . This was a book I so enjoyed reading that I came back to Singapore half a year later and bought a copy of it simply so I could own it. I've bought 6 books or do over the holidays, three of which were written by Yann Martel and above is a rather amusing extract from one of his first short stories where he displays his appreciation for another author's punctuation.

This is a book appreciation post and like the lists of song titles I sometimes put up, here is a list of books you could check out that I hope you will enjoy reading. You know, if you have an itchy imagination or like me, prefer the company of books to people, sometimes.

Life of Pi - Yann Martel
Into The Wild - Jon Krakauer
First They Killed My Father - Loung Ung
Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
Birdy - William Wharton
A Lesson Before Dying - Ernest J. Gaines
Watership down - Richard Adams
Rice Without Rain - Mingfong Ho

'jol

:D

`jol

I have been religiously avoiding the topic of religion on my blog for a bit. I haven't been going to church consistently, not because I've started to doubt the existence of a God but more because I haven't found a church I'm comfortable in again. Like I said, I hate the church system in Hope where it's so methodical, you stay long enough, do and say the right things and you'll be a leader. Once you've graduated, you move on up to the next "family" where you're expected to be close and bond simply out of convenience. Honestly, I think this is why so many people leave. While church was about God and not men, church was never meant to be about hierarchy and power. Me, I've had a lovely time at Hope, it's just that I don't know the new strangers there and many of my old friends have left or moved up. I'm not discontent, just uncomfortable.

I refuse to respect and pay heed to every word a leader tells me simply because this is the person appointed to me. Whilst I know that this is wrong and that the bible tells us that everybody that comes to power, God has let him. And that we should still obey the laws set by our leaders. I can not force myself to blindly follow. What if we stretch the story a little; say a leader that has been allowed to come to power orders everyone to cheat, to steal and to murder. You can't break the law that you must obey your leader yet you can't break the commandments that say doing these things are wrong. Everyone of us perceive certain things to be right or wrong and then lead our lives in accordance to our perceived morals. But different people have different perspectives and perceive different things to be right or wrong. likewise, a leader and a student may have different perceptions on morals. I therefore believe in choosing my own leaders. You follow people who have the same perspective as you in what is right. I'm not saying we shouldn't listen to other sides and keep an open mind. I'm just saying it is natural of us to choose leaders that think in the same ways as us.

Who decides who a leader should be. And who decides on who should decide. I believe that if you earnestly seek, you will receive an answer. But that is fine and dandy only if it applies to things personal. If it involves a body of people, then who decides on where to draw the line. If two people say God has spoken to them and has revealed to them who to appoint as leader, who do we listen to. When there is disagreement there is discontent. This is where compromise comes into play. Someone has to give in and a decision will be made. But human compromise is imperfect and flawed. What if we are wrong. Then God's true voice will be neglected. We then go back to the dilemma of what God's true voice is. But it's irony at it's greatest because the whole dilemma is about who decides what God's true voice is. Someone has to be appointed by man to make these decisions and by that first appointment, we could have made a mistake because we are flawed.

Having said this, I do not think the bible was a compromise because we are not currently writing the bible. We are making decisions in this day and age where the skies don't part to rain forth manna and rocks don't split let forth a river of water. It is getting increasingly hard to hear God's voice much less convince people we aren't hallucinating.

This is why I refuse to blindly obey the people appointed to me. A friend of mine then warned me that I shouldn't let my discernment lead to rebellion. But we all rebel against what we think is wrong. If you're not for it you're against it. Rebellion is not always bad and obedience is not always good. It solely depends on your cause and morals. Obedience to God is always good, and I am far from perfect. But men aren't God and leaders are men. I'd like to choose my own leaders.

Respect is to be earned, not blindly given.

'jol

The holiday has flown by and I'm glad to have been able to visit my relatives. It's been a bittersweet occasion and I find myself experiencing pangs of inexplicable sadness about growing up and leaving what seemed like a worry-free life behind. My great grandmother is 98 this year. She no longer remembers who I am and seemed terrified as my grand uncle wheeled her out to greet the family. Her bony hands fidgeted in her lap reminding me of sparrows, their little jerky movements only seemed to expound on their fear as they quivered under 20 people's gaze. Mom says she can still feel but she can't make her body respond- she's trapped in her own body. A stoic expression on her face she sat quiet and unmoving the entire 20 minutes she was allowed out of her bed. Her eyes watered in contrast to the grim unmoving expression as my mom placed a cheek against hers. I wanted to snap a picture, to remember her. But I couldn't. It seemed so rude, so brazen, too insensitive. It made me sad. Things end and we die and although it's natural, it makes me sad and I want a hug. I've been meeting up with some old friends (and making some new ones too (: ) and realize I will not get a single day off to myself to just rest. I haven't had a day alone In weeks and will be busy catching up with various people until Bob flys over this weekend. But I'm not complaining. There is plenty of time to rest- to be lonely- when I return to Perth.

I have yet to turn on my laptop in a month (have been using phone or iPad) or so but I'm excited to review what little pictures I have taken and allow myself to reflect upon the experience of the SEA trip. May I just add it was a 6 hour bus ride from Singapore to KL, a 2 hour flight from KL to Siem Reap in Cambodia, a 6 hour boat ride to Phnom Penh then a 15 hour bus ride crossing the Cambodia-Thai border to BangKok, a 12 hour bus ride to Krabi, an hour van and boat ride to Tonsai then finally a 2 hour flight back to Singapore. It overwhelms me when I think about how much we have travelled and I'm truly humbled to have walked amongst the poorest of poors and to experience their ways of life. We have stayed in 4stars hotels, houses of friends as well as straw huts with no electricity, warm water, flushing or even a reliable security system. The grime and sweat on my skin has only served to make me more appreciative of the comforts I have at home- as well as a maid to do your laundring and cleaning chores. I'll upload pictures soon after I will myself to clean my room and all the other stuff I've neglected to do. Also, Bob is coming this Saturday- To Singapore! I'm so excited. Not so much because I've missed him in the 3 days we've been apart (although I do, to a sickening extent) but because I feel like I finally get to show him these places that make me feel like me. In Australia it's so different, it's like I clam up and can't bring myself to talk to strangers or be outgoing. Yet none of my Singaporean friends would believe I have problems with making friends there because I'm simply too friendly in their eyes. But confidence is fleeting, it seeps away and out of my pores until I am utterly drained of hope, optimism or self-assurance. In australia, I'm a different person. So it excites me that I get to show my boyfriend a part of me that I'm never going to be in his country, until I can call it home.

Happy Chinese new year! I had an uneventful flight and spent my waiting and flying time reading my book. Got through customs very quickly and cabbed down to my grandma's for reunion dinner which was awesome cause I was running on a pancake in the morning the entire day. Got commented on about how fat I've become which made me feel very guilty- like a glutton. Oh Singapore, I can only expect criticism from you. Dad came home from work at midnight with KFC and I obliged to eat cause the idea of a family meal (minus my sister cause she was asleep) appealed to me due to the scarcity of it's occurrence. This also marked the first time I've eaten KFC chicken in 5 years (cause I had convinced myself they were simply too cruel to their chickens, but apparently Singapore is not the USA). It'd Lunar New Year now, so here I am now at 1.30am in the morning at a huge florist buying new year plants, as is customary. It's good to be back and doing the things of my childhood, even if not as extravagant as when we were wealthier.

I turned on my iPhone to a flurry of messages enquiring my wellbeing and I have to say, I am truly appreciative of my friends. The trip started bad but it got better. Bob and I worked things out and more or less hung on our own. Things got better with the other 3 towards the end- everyone was just more caring and considerate. Instead of 'DIBS! me first!' it became 'What would be better for everyone.' from simple things like sharing food to making sure the person behind you had enough leg space- it really turned things around and I regret nothing. We probably won't travel as this exact group again but I think I've learnt a thing or two about my friends and the trip, although never reached it's full potential, was indeed an eye opening and enriching experience. I haven't taken many pictures at all (which was uncommon of me) but maybe I'll talk more about the different places we visited in another post.

Regardless, it's good to be back. And it's chinese new year! What used to be my favorite occasion. Things are less fun and vibrant however the family remains the same- after missing CNY last year, I am more appreciative of what I have now. I'm blessed with such a large extended family. And I look forward for this morning to come. The thought of feasting on fats ningles at the back of my mind but i suppose I must really discipline myself and get back to running when I return to Perth.

I'm exhausted. Goodnight, friends, and a festive holiday to you (:

'jol